The social fart

If there is one place that is completely impersonal in urban life, it’s the elevator. There is one simple rule: two is eye contact, three is a frown. Part one of the rule addresses one specific context: if person A is in the elevator and person B walks in it is OK to acknowledge each other's presence with eye contact and the optional head nod. Part two limits the nature of this interaction: if person C comes in, it is proper etiquette to look down at your shoes. If you are feeling particularly social you can look at someone else’s shoe. The more people there are the less likely the chance of eye contact. In the crowded elevator this morning, (its Monday… I know) I was looking at my shoes and thought… this is ridiculous… I looked up to find the other occupants either looking down or at the ceiling. The ceiling? That’s brilliant… shoes get kind of mundane after a while, especially in the winter when your toes are not visible.

The only superstars in the cold cold elevator world are dogs. In a crowded elevator, everybody will look at a dog and someone might even say “what kind of dog is it?” or “what’s his name?” And it becomes like a mini-party in the elevator…

The only other option to instigate some sort of social interaction is the fart. I have thought of this on a few occasions, because whenever there is a strange smell in an elevator things get interesting. Everybody acts casual but subtly looks up and shifts their eyes from side to side trying to figure out who the culprit is. It’s like a murder mystery… everybody is a suspect. If the farter is a skilled criminal he will also look disgusted to hide his guilt. In this case, it is advised to use the "smell gradient". Does it smell more like fart on my right or my left. This helps eliminate suspects.

Enjoy your next elevator ride!